Xtabella's Blog



Saturday, 5 May 2018


Dear caring uncle,

Please do not give her money all the time. Do not give her the impression that you can sort her finances anytime she needs it. Train her not to depend on you in marriage, and the right time to start is now, while you're still dating. 

It is okay to tell her you don't have money, even when you do. It is okay to tell her you can't help out right now because your money is tied up in one saving scheme, just so you can teach her to farm for herself and find a way out of that bad financial situation on her own. It is not being stingy or tight-handed, it is training her to know that in marriage there are responsibilities that will come at us that we have not planned or prepared for, and you need to know that even as the provider she needs to cut her own end and cover for you. Do not teach her to always run to you for her needs, also teach her the power of standing on her own.

Most times when I am out with my best friend Chocolate I intentionally let her pay the taxi fare, I have the cash, I can say "don't worry love, i will cover it", but No, most times i look away when it is time to pay the fare, and I let her pay with her own cash, silently encouraging her to carry the financial weight as well, now I guess she knows that it is not possible for us to hangout without her coming out with her purse, because i am going to order the pizza and look away when it is time to pay. 

Look uncle, it is okay to tip her before the hangout, say "Dear, can you cover the popcorn and drinks while I buy the movie tickets?" . It's totally Okay, for two people overflowing with kind words and understanding. There is nothing wrong with joking about her covering the taxir fare while you pay for the dinner, always leave her with a financial responsibility each time you're out, or each time you're handling a project or something together. I hope a brother out here is catching this? 

Don't try and be all gentleman and sweet, don't shoulder all alone even when you're capable, let her feel some weight, teach her not to leave home without her purse, teach her not to depend on you. Sad to say but there are wives today who depend on their husbands for tithe, some even Sunday offerings, when it is time to dip into the offering basket she looks at her husband, all because he has trained her to come running to him for her every need. 

Here's the hard truth brothers, we are all going to have a flourishing marriage, oh yes we will, and I know this because it is God's promise to His children, and because He has said it, it is the confidence we have. But there are going to be times when bills, rents, children's fees, employees salaries, and other miscellaneous expenses that you have not budgeted for will drain out all your financial energy, at these times, you will need a wife with a strong independent financial mentality to cover for you according to her capacity, not one who you have encouraged to come running to you.

Do like the mother eagle, sometimes let her flap her wings in the air until she learns how to fly on her own, and some times when you see that she's about to hit the ground stoop low and catch her. Let her flap, let her swing, teach her to chase, create in her the mentality that she can surprise you with a bank credit alert as well, train her to know that you can also run to her when you have financial emergencies. God is counting on you to make the best out of the woman He has entrusted into your care. 
What is your opinion? 
Leave your thoughts in the comments section. 

#confessionsofagoodman #allisonhyacintho
By Allison Hyacintho

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