Xtabella's Blog



Sunday, 8 April 2018


I don't know how you all manage to get into relationships where you're scared of loving and giving your everything because you don't trust that the person you're with is the right one for you, or that they will take you for a fool and not be willing to do the same for you. I don't get it, It's just crazy how we get into relationships like this, so crazy.

If i know that my love is not going to find it's full expressing with you then why am I with you? Please remind me again because I need to know what I am doing in a relationship with someone who I will continue to give half baked love because I don't trust that they would stay with me if I give my all. 

I cannot buy you anything because I'm scared you'll take advantage of my giving and use me as your alternative means of income.

I cannot ask you for anything because I am scared you'll see me as a gold digger.

I cannot even suggest that we leave sex out of our relationship until marriage because you will threaten to break up with me or torment my life until I finally give in.

I cannot miss your calls and sleep in peace without you accusing me of cheating on you.

I cannot initiate praying with you or even praying beside you because you're never interested, spiritual things are the least of your goals.

I cannot take your calls for you when you're indisposed to answer it. I cannot scroll through your pictures without asking your permission, you shiver and shake like a wet cat whenever I come close to your phone, let alone hold it for a second. You have passwords restrictions on all the apps on your phone like you work with the secret service.

Please remind me what I am doing here again?

Is this relationship the answer to my prayers for a good partner? Does this relationship resemble the product of all my waiting, fasting and seeding? When I asked the Lord to bless me with a good mate was this the kind I was praying about? Is this somebody the kind of stone my Father would send to me after asking Him for bread?

Obviously this isn't the product of my fasting, it cannot be, no way, i cannot wait on God patiently only to love in a hurry. This doesn't smell like the fruit of my faithfulness.

So what am I doing here? 
Why should I settle in Harran when Canaan is the promise? (Genesis 11:31)

Why? What is stopping you from leaving?

#confessionsofagoodman #allisonhyacintho
By Allison Hyacintho  

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